I had a baby six weeks ago. In the time since her arrival, I've been floating through life in some kind of crazy-awesome, bliss-filled survival mode. I let my body recover from birth until my intuition told me it was okay to explore asana again. Being on my mat again has allowed me to revisit that very special sense of awareness of what's going on in and around me. I'm in the process of reconnecting with the "me" that isn't growing a baby. I'm deciding to jump back in with both feet and rediscover my passions.
I took a break from teaching group classes beginning in May to focus on what felt "right" for me and my growing baby. I needed to focus on my pregnancy: the very special, very short and sacred time that it is. I've noticed that my identity since giving birth has changed. I had a lot of roles before I had my daughter: wife, daughter, friend, social worker, yoga instructor, etc. My new role as "Mom" is challenging me in all of the best ways and forcing me to look at what makes my heart dance. Since getting back onto my yoga mat, it is still undeniably obvious to me that sharing yoga with others is my passion and part of my greater purpose.
I'm ready to get back at it but I'll have you know, with no shame, that it's scary to me. It's scary because I am, admittedly, removed. I'm not as connected anymore to many yogis I saw so often. I'm scared because my days now are filled with fewer opportunities to study the practice, to design a sequence, to indulge in my own practice. My days now are filled with cold coffee, baby snuggles, one handed meals and half-finished chores. But - even with all of this - there is room, beyond my most important and cherished role of "Mom" - to embrace my yoga instructor role again, whatever that looks like. So many things are physically different for me right now but that doesn't mean different is bad. Different feels scary. I'm acknowledging it, accepting it, and putting my yoga to it to guide me. I'm using my yoga practice just as I always have to guide my intuition.
Stay tuned for more.